3. Feel and not decree
Forgiveness is an act narcissisant. It returns a positive self-image (generosity, magnanimity), it is also relational factor of peace, two arguments that explain that many pardons are granted prematurely.Yet the enjoyment they provide is short and often dearly paid because the process that leads to informed choice was amputated essential steps. Only after having revisited its history, and through inner conflicts phases fed by opposing emotions and ambivalent desires, we will be able to feel, in the emotional calm, if one wishes or forgive … not.
In both cases, and because it was well-considered, worked from the inside, deeply felt, this decision provides an intense and lasting sense of fairness and justice. We feel so as to render ourselves, released obsessive thoughts, invasive emotions, the other no longer occupies the central place in our lives, it most affects our knowledge.We are no longer in reaction or in opposition, or seeking revenge or waiting to be serviced by the other.
4. Express clemency
The pardon may come from parents who have realized the penny ffrance they have imposed, either because they have revisited their past and have brought about certain things, either because their child has made their grievance. Access their pardon without taking the time to mature his thinking is an option that it is tempting to give in. Simply because, faced with his parents, the child becomes an adult the child instantly overwhelmed by guilt, the fear of not being liked or the desire to “save” his parent.Defer is indispensable. We can say to the parent that you need time to think or that we do not yet feel ready to forgive. This positioning puts equality in the relationship and prevents that one is taken hostage by his own emotions and manipulated by another.
It is also important to think about how you want to express forgiveness or non-forgiveness, so as to translate as accurately as possible his feelings. Forgiveness should not be used to minimize the damage suffered or to clear massive parent, as well as the non-forgiveness should not be a way to take revenge on them.
It is also possible to forgive or not to forgive, to an absent parent, either because he is dead or because he is ignorant of the damage he has done to his child. This symbolic approach produces the same e ffects that forgiveness face to face. a letter can be written to it (which will keep or destroy it), talk to him while watching a picture, speak aloud or silently … Whatever the chosen mode of expression, true forgiveness recognizes, again, over time, the feeling of relief and relief it produces.