any relationship evolves in stages that have been well analyzed by psychologists: the passion, the struggle for power, power sharing, commitment and openness to others.
During seduction culminating in the phase of passion, first stage of the relationship, you’re not sure the relationship is well established; men and women while out in its best day in order to seduce and conquer the other. It is during this phase that men are more communicative and more attentive: they treat their image and are interested in everything you say; they have eyes for you and compliment ever. It is during this phase that the woman looks and listens to the man with the greatest admiration: she is always ready to stick and to make love with you, as often as you like; . she never criticizes you and is ready to follow you in all your projects the same time, you auréolez the coveted person is your soul mate, your prince, your princess and the love you feel for one the other will overcome all the trials. You spend your nights chatting and do and make love. You can not do without one another: you’re in love, perhaps for the first time in your real life. This is the phase that we would have to last forever. Biochemists have shown that, during this phase, the human brain was producing a hormone called phenylethylamine. It is this hormone that is responsible for the euphoric that we live when we are in love. This hormone would have the same effects as cocaine. If the desired person leaves you at this time is the lack, the pain of love. If you are a junkie phenylethylamine, it is you who will leave when you feel that passion decreases elsewhere to find a new flame restimulera the production of phenylethylamine. You will go from passion to passion, incapable of true love commitment. By cons, if you accept the decline of passion, your brain will replace the production of phenylethylamine in the production of endorphins which themselves possess the same properties as morphine. Then you will live the days of quiet happiness: you can sleep in peace, in silence, in the arms of one another. You will never have been as well, also in harmony with all your life. You will fill your relationship.Unfortunately, passion … happens! In fact, during the passion phase, you do not really were in love with the other person; you were in love feelings that the idea that you were doing the other person caused in your body and your head. You ignored all the little things; you have seen and heard what was your case; you put aside everything that could dull your passion. And you got married or, as the Spanish say, you’re “being home” (casarse); you started to live together.
The power struggle
But now your body and mind have become accustomed to the effects of endorphins and phenylethylamine. You are always happy, happy, but the intensity of your happiness eased and you gradually return to earth. Surprise, you realize that your prince charming sometimes behaved like a toad, your charming princess out more and more regularly its claws and fangs. You contact the real person you are in love. You enter the second phase of your relationship: the struggle for power.Anxiety and insecurity of seduction and passion compelled to show you at your best; the security of your happiness and the knowledge that the other likes you to let you let go and show you in your true light. You are no longer pretend, you are yourself and you start saying, and even to demand what you want from your relationship. You had said before, but the other admired you and he (she) has not really heard what you were saying. While it is true that love is blind, it also makes deaf. That’s when you realize that the other does not entirely share your views on leisure, money, choice the house, the distribution of household chores, the number and education of children, the friend (e) s, the frequency of sex, the type and location of your vacation, the choice of films … in fact, how to love and to invest in the couple. You realize that it focuses on his career, when you would like it deals more with the family.You realize she wants to make love, but in its own way. You are meticulous, he lets it all hang out.You love tight arguments, it puts the emotion everywhere. Like the big family gatherings, he prefers to go hunting or fishing with his friends. Like reading your morning paper, she always has something against you. Like soap operas; he prefers sports programs. He plans a retreat in the south; you would prefer to be close to your grandchildren. So on. This power struggle is inevitable and even necessary.It is this struggle that allows to know whom you are dealing and allows us to assert our needs and expectations of the couple. This control causes the two partners to be located relative to each other.Unfortunately, most couples are stuck in this struggle and engages in dead ends: “It was you who started it! ” ” No it’s you ! “” If you also listened to me when I talk to you. “” You and your damn family!You are all the same. “” If you stopped criticizing for a change. “” If you kept putting not just tomorrow.”” If you get picked up, too. “” If you were a man (a woman) you. “” What I do to God to find me with you? “” It looks like you do it on purpose. “” I have often told you. “” Thou (speaking children) always let make their head. “” You just have to take care of you a little more (children). “” You want to always be right. “” Anyway, you’ll never understand anything. “” Well, here we go again! “” That’s it, go away!”These words are familiar to you. Do not worry, you are normal. Both intimate and passionate lovers become, during this phase, two intimate enemies. Both are in love and want to continue to love, but frictions are more and more numerous. These frictions are due to differences between men and women, the differences between this particular man and that particular woman; They are also due to our expectations frustrated facing married life and the paradox of passion, ie, the coexistence of the need for passionate fusion and the need for autonomy. At this stage, plays the couple’s future. More than half of divorced couples and many will repeat the same dynamic with a new partner. Thirty percent to 30% of couples will resign themselves, develop an unbalanced relationship, will be a faltering war periods lulls (phenylethylamine production start) and seek compensation in work, family or elsewhere. Only 20% of couples succeed in transforming this inevitable power struggle in power sharing, third stage of married life.